tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48277178568158595902024-02-19T11:32:53.024-08:00Jo BlogsJo Platthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10524045126083825561noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4827717856815859590.post-48497126833167581142021-11-29T04:30:00.008-08:002021-11-29T07:00:56.027-08:00<div class="MsoNormal"><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">My name is Jo Platt and I am, amongst other things, an author. </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Welcome to my blog.</span></span></h2><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">I am very aware that I have but moments to reel you in and prevent you from losing interest and moving onto a more brightly-coloured, slightly less wordy, blog about ballroom dancing or cheese carving. So, let me begin by saying: CASH, CAKE, NUDITY, ALCOHOL and, now that I have your complete attention, we can press on.</span></span></h2></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif;">I self-published my first novel, </span><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Reading-Upside-Down-Jo-Platt-ebook/dp/B00BEJT0FW/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1396631644&sr=1-1&keywords=reading+upside+down"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial;">Reading Upside Down</span></a><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif;">, in February 2013. A few months later, I was fortunate enough to be signed by literary agents </span><a href="http://www.darleyanderson.com/authors/jo-platt" style="color: #444444; font-family: times, "times new roman", serif;">Darley Anderson</a><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif;">. The lovely Camilla Bolton took me under her wing (she </span><i style="color: #444444; font-family: times, "times new roman", serif;">literally</i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif;"> helps me across roads whenever I visit the capital) and the rights to </span><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Reading-Upside-Down-Jo-Platt-ebook/dp/B00BEJT0FW/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1396631644&sr=1-1&keywords=reading+upside+down"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial;">Reading Upside Down</span></a><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif; font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif;">went on to sell to publishers internationally. It’s been a whirlwind journey and, I’m delighted to say, one which is ongoing. Three more books - </span><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Was-You-Must-Read-Romantic-Comedy-ebook/dp/B01KTUS7IC/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=it+was+you+jo+Platt&qid=1638187383&qsid=262-1016143-5479315&sr=8-1&sres=B01KTUS7IC%2C1841885169%2CB07V48JZCQ%2CB089KMWZHZ%2C1423417844%2CB0759VYXSK%2C1941768083%2CB098WTZ9FF%2C1423411005%2CB00LT8OBKW%2CB01835BRSM%2CB07434ZCDN%2CB00YLQU0J0%2C019341631X%2CB01KTUS7WI%2C057153144X"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial;">It Was You</span></a><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif;">, </span><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/You-Are-Loved-must-read-romantic-ebook/dp/B07434ZCDN/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=you+are+loved+jo+Platt&qid=1638187340&qsid=262-1016143-5479315&sr=8-1&sres=B07434ZCDN%2CB09DSZ9RL2%2CB07Z7Z5H2X%2CB00IEKS6HM%2C1529107938%2CB077JC77JQ%2C1250182972%2CB09M4C278Z%2CB09FT5RC2C%2CB00JEID7NG%2CB09H7L4869%2CB087KLKN7T%2CB09FJ2TSV9%2CB08L9JY5JK%2C0312549660%2CB09KJSB5P6"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial;">You Are Loved</span></a> <span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif;">and </span><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Finding-Felix-feel-good-romantic-comedy-ebook/dp/B07FNFV122/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Finding+Felix+jo+Platt&qid=1638187007&qsid=262-1016143-5479315&sr=8-1&sres=B07FNFV122%2CB098WTZ9FF%2CB07434ZCDN%2CB01KTUS7IC%2C0141194626%2CB01KTUS7WI%2C1423417844%2C1786890933%2CB01A6KBFXY%2CB06XK3VT9M%2CB06W57X1J9%2CB08FD9LJ73%2CB01CR5YLNW%2CB01HXI903E%2CB07SCB3353%2CB004UE3130"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial;">Finding Felix</span></a><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif; font-style: italic;"> - </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif;">have been published since, and my latest novel, </span><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Working-Out-unforgettable-funny-romance-ebook/dp/B098WTZ9FF/ref=sr_1_1?crid=TQAOJ1QPB6AH&keywords=working+it+out+jo+platt&qid=1638187439&qsid=262-1016143-5479315&sprefix=working+it+out+jo+Platt%2Caps%2C154&sr=8-1&sres=B098WTZ9FF%2C1509856153%2CB07GF1RKW7%2C0319262952%2CB089KMWZHZ%2C1846549876%2C0008374279%2CB0759VYXSK%2C1495094855%2CB004QS945Y%2C1788637356%2CB07434ZCDN%2CB01KTUS7WI%2CB002660YMA%2CB0723GGWNK%2CB07H5N9CK8"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Working It Ou</span><span style="color: #444444;">t</span></span></a><span style="color: #444444; font-family: times, times new roman, serif;">, is currently available for pre-order and will be published in the UK in February 2022.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-ansi-language:EN-US;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial;">Pet
Hates</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: times, "times new roman", serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #666666;"><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444;">A friend was recently bemoaning the fact
that, ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">due to the situation at home</i>’,
she had been unable to accept an opportunity to extend her working hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was also disappointed to have had to turn
down her cousin’s kind offer of a free, long weekend in his posh holiday apartment,
as ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the associated costs</i>’ just didn’t
stack up.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444;">Now, my friend doesn’t endure a particularly
stressful domestic situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
doesn’t have a tyrannical partner, who insists upon the little woman waiting at
the door each evening to greet him with pipe and slippers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And she doesn’t keep such a tight hold on the
purse strings as to consider the cost of the petrol to Devon too great an
expense in terms of a weekend away.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">But what she does have, is a pet – or ‘an
enormous drain upon time and money’, as it’s known in our house.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">She wasn’t asking for pity over her
situation, and fully accepts that her predicament is of her own making. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pet – a dog, in this case - was not thrust
upon her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one turned up on her doorstep
with a bag of puppies and said, ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Take
one. Feed it, groom it, walk it, wash it, vaccinate it and, above all, pick up
its poo and carry it round with you in a little blue bag for several hours
every day, or we will smash all your windows and key your car</i>.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, in fact, what actually happened was that she
drove approximately fifty miles and handed over £125, for the pleasure of
possessing a fluffy little millstone to hang around her neck.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I know it may seem to you that I am painting
an unfairly black picture of pet ownership.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I will hold up my hands and admit that that there are happy times,
when one is not trying to rid the house of fleas, replacing clawed curtains, mopping
up wee or remortgaging in order to cover the cost of a furry friend’s holiday accommodation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just that my fellow pet-owning
friends and I don’t really talk about the happy times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We tend to focus upon the not-so-happy
times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Primarily because there seem to
be an awful lot more of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like the brand
new puppy who swallowed a fridge magnet; an object which then had to be
surgically removed at a cost of £1000 – money not recoverable through insurance,
as the dog had been purchased fewer than fourteen days previously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as for my friend’s cat with the blocked
anal glands – well, I won’t go there, just in case you’re currently eating a
sandwich – as I was when told the tale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suffice
to say that the poo did eventually come out, under pressure, in the vet’s
surgery, but the associated stains never came out of my friend’s cardy, nor her
psyche, and she subsequently claimed to experience something akin to post-natal
depression.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We, as a family, have four pets: Barry and
Squidge (rescue cats), and Freddie and Hugo (guinea pigs). Those of you who
have visited my Twitter page, will know that Barry dribbles continually and is
exceptionally needy and exceptionally smelly, whilst Squidge is a nervous wreck
and genuinely, GENUINELY cannot, after three years, work out how to use the
cat-flap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The guinea pigs, meanwhile,
were chosen by my children on the basis that they looked ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">as if no one else would ever want them</i>’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hugo has - thank you, God - actually turned
out to be pretty ‘normal’ but Freddie is neurotic and faints, whenever
surprised – by a carrot, for example.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These faints caused us enormous distress for the first six weeks of
ownership, until it was established that he was simply getting his breath back
and was fine again thirty seconds later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is now one and a half and still faints quite happily on a monthly
basis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As to why my friends and I chose to
purchase and retain all these rejects of the animal kingdom, well, there are
numerous stated reasons, including: buying a dog as part of a personal fitness
programme and benevolence towards a stray.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The latter is one of my excuses for Barry and Squidge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also publicly lay the blame squarely at the
feet of my children: they were desperate for pets and, besides, animal
ownership teaches them about caring and helps them to develop a sense of responsibility.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Blah, blah, blah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">However, the actual, very ugly, truth of
why we have pets in this house, is, actually, nothing to do with the kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because, if I’m being honest, I have to admit
that there is no way that I would put up with the drool, the smell, the expense
and the fainting fits associated with Barry, Freddie et al, if I didn’t
actually, very secretly - and I shall whisper this - <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">love them</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">You see, I work from home. I might pop out for
the odd daytime coffee with a friend who has a day off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, other than that, I sit in the study, with
only a Mac and my fevered imagination for company.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i>
alone, pretty much <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all </i>of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alone that is, apart from Barry (who is,
incidentally, purring and reeking on my lap at right this very moment) and
Squidge, who I know is sitting downstairs, staring at the cat-flap, awaiting the
arrival of The Magic Hand which opens it for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, after I have come to Squidge’s
assistance, I must go and give Hugo and Freddie a carrot, in a stealthy, silent,
slo-mo manner, so as to avoid prompting any Silas Marner-type catatonics from
Freddie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">They snuggle me, they nuzzle me, they know
me and they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">need</i> me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, as if that wasn’t enough, they’re really,
REALLY good listeners.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Aren’t you, Barry, my love?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b> </b></span></span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e69138; font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial;">Ain't no cure for the summer term blues</span></span></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Passerby; narrator; small child in school
uniform; small child in contemporary, casual clothing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">The above are just some of the roles which
I would have been thrilled for my child to have been given in this year’s
end-of-term school play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because firstly, I am short of time and
secondly, even if I had all the time in the world, I cannot sew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, any role which necessitates the
provision of clothing, or costume, beyond that which is readily available in my
daughter’s wardrobe is, in short, a nightmare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’ve had a run of bad luck with the annual castings to date, with parts
including: tree, sheep, planet and ship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, this year, I had everything crossed for ‘twenty-first century blonde
kid’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Regrettably, however, she was cast
as Mrs Fox and, as dressing like a fox is not one of her preferred
out-of-school activities, I was forced to add <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘source fox costume’</i> to the growing list of end-of-term nightmares
currently clogging my kitchen calendar.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">It was actually a despairing glance at said
calendar this morning which prompted me to write this piece, as I found myself pondering
the extent to which a primary school’s determination to make the summer term
“fun-packed” for the children, always seems to result in it being about as fun
as a smack in the face with a bag of nails for the parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At afternoon pick-up, my daughter’s playground
is now populated by adults who increasingly resemble crack addicts, as they
stumble between school-runs, work and after-school activities, with every precious
moment in between now taken up with end-of-term making, baking, watching,
chaperoning and applauding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the past
two weeks I have attended, or assisted in the running of: two concerts, one
play, a sports days, two football tournaments, two award ceremonies and an
event which was vaguely termed ‘a festival’. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And still to come I have a barbeque, a disco
and yet another play.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444;">Even when I’m not physically at school or
participating in a school-related activity, there is currently no escape from school
matters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This morning, I received three texts
before 9am, each begging ‘parental input’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One regarded the production of a year book, another concerned a
collection for teachers and the third was a request for help with clearing-up
after the disco. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now, even as I
type, I have just received an appeal for multiple bags of Haribo and six
sponges for the ‘Soak the Teacher’ stall at the barbeque.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444;">I fully acknowledge that, individually, not
one of these requests is at all onerous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The problem is that when they’re fired at you in quick succession, along
with work deadlines and the unrelenting demands of family and home, you can
begin to feel a little like Luke Skywalker, desperately dodging incoming, as he
approached the Death Star.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have a
sense that you’ll get there but it isn’t by any means a fun ride.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The only mildly reassuring aspect of all
this is that I am a very long way indeed from being the most despairingly
over-burdened parent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was reminded of
this fact only last night, as I sat with twelve other mothers, drinking wine
and making giant pom-poms with which to decorate a school hall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One poor woman, cursed with a widely-known
ability to sew, confided that she is currently working in a small, temporary sweatshop
at the back of her kitchen, creating costumes for ‘six playing cards’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t feel able to ask her to elucidate,
as she seemed close to tears, so instead I simply accepted the claim, poured
her another glass of wine and nodded in what I hoped was an understanding manner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A second pom-pom parent empathised more
effectively with sweat-shop mum by bemoaning the fact that her son’s teacher had
somehow found out that she didn’t now work Wednesdays.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The upshot of this was that the teacher
assumed she would be both available and delighted to assist in every school
event or trip scheduled to take place on that particular day of the week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it seemed a rather suspicious coincidence
that all summer term excursions and class treats were now midweek events.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She went on to explain that she had just
spent an exhausting day helping to stop a coach-load of sugar-crazed six and
seven year-olds from running off into the crowds/sea/roaring traffic of
Weston-Super-Mare and, as the evening concluded, I was beginning to feel that I
had got off relatively lightly with a bit of craft, a bit of cleaning and a bit
of sourcing the odd animal costume. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And with regard to that fox costume, I
decided last week to throw money at the problem and order ears, nose and tail online.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That wasn’t quite the complete solution I had
hoped for, however, as on its arrival, I discovered that the nose concealed a small,
but highly sensitive, device which, when pressed, or simply breathed upon, emitted
an ear-piercing ‘fox-like shriek’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
whilst I eventually succeeded in removing the mechanism by means of the lengthy,
and somewhat ill-tempered, deconstruction of the nose, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">re</i></b>construction defeated
me entirely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My daughter will now therefore
be drawing a nose and whiskers on her face with a brown eyeliner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The effect isn’t incredibly foxy, but the
ears and tail are passable, and I’m pretty confident that if I shout, “Ooh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look everybody! It’s a lady fox!” from the
back of the school hall at the appropriate moment, we’ll get away with it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So, the good news is that I am gradually,
one by one, crossing-off the calendar nightmares.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are on the home straight and, in just ten
days, the end-of-term frenzy will be over and we shall begin six glorious weeks
of carefree school holidays.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Shhh…just let me enjoy the moment whilst
the denial holds.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--></span><br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-ansi-language:EN-US;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial;">Hear! Hear!</span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444;">The audio book and audio download editions of <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Reading-Upside-Down-Jo-Platt-ebook/dp/B00BEJT0FW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402128244&sr=8-1&keywords=reading+upside+down">Reading Upside Down</a>, <i>It Was You, You Are Loved </i>and<i> Finding Felix</i> are now all available from <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Reading-Upside-Down-Jo-Platt-ebook/dp/B00BEJT0FW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402128244&sr=8-1&keywords=reading+upside+down">Amazon</a>.</span></span></span><span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138;"><br /></span></b></span>
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Fit to Drop</span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-ansi-language:EN-US;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">During a recent
weekend away with a group of female friends, the subject of keeping fit was
raised. Discussion revealed that we all
took part in some form of regular exercise, whether it was jogging, tennis,
cycling or attending a class. We also discovered
that, for most of us, the desire to improve our fitness was a relatively new
one, taking hold as we approached, or as we passed, forty. The most extreme example of this was Rachel, who
had changed career, from lawyer to fitness instructor, as she celebrated the
big four-O.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">As my friends outlined
their various mid-life reasons for getting fit, I noticed that health and
well-being were barely mentioned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Instead, the focus was primarily upon muffin tops, bingo wings and an
unhappy reliance upon increasingly concrete undergarments, in order to redress
the effects of gravitational pull upon boobs and rear ends. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">However, in my
case, the primary impetus for change was none of the above.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my case, it was public humiliation at a
school sports day. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">For four years, I
had participated in the infant school’s mums’ race, at the insistence first of one
daughter, then the other. I was far from athletic and had tried to demur when
my eldest daughter had first asked me to run.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But her lower lip had wobbled and her eyes had brimmed with tears, as
she protested that ‘all the other mummies’ would be running.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have stood firm, had her assertion
not proved to be disappointingly accurate. The number of participants was so
great that the runners had to be divided up by age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each age group then raced over four or five
heats, with eight women running in each race.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The level of enthusiasm displayed by the other mothers was
astonishing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I witnessed one woman remove
her stilettos and participate in her office garb, whilst another, martyr-ish sort,
completed the race on crutches – to the cheers of many and bitter grumblings
from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the circumstances, I had no
alternative but to join in.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444;">However, despite
my initial horror at the prospect of running, for four years the mums’ race was
‘ok’, because, for four years, it was an obstacle race.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, during that time, the format remained
comfortingly unvaried: you had to go through three hoops; shuffle a short
distance with a football between your legs; pop a balloon by stamping on it (or
by puncturing it with your stiletto/crutch) and then stroll the final 30m,
balancing a beanbag on your head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
dropped the beanbag, you had to go back to the popped balloon.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444;">I always strolled,
I never dropped the beanbag, and I never came last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was ‘ok’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And then came the
year when I lined up for the first heat of the mums’ race, looked down the
track and asked the mother next to me where all the obstacles were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘It’s a straight race this year,’ she explained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘I think they thought the obstacles were too
much fuss because there are so many of us.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I remember looking over my shoulder at the rows of mothers waiting their
turn and noting that none of their faces betrayed the level of stomach-churning
fear I was experiencing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I immediately considered
running, very slowly, away from the start line and back towards the safety of
my tartan picnic blanket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I would
have done just that, had I not spotted my youngest daughter giving me the
thumbs-up from where she sat, trackside, with her classmates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I smiled weakly and waved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t let her down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘I can’t run, you know,’ I said quietly to my
neighbour. </span>She laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘I bet you can,’ she said.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I came last, by a
very long way indeed, beaten into eighth place by Linda, who had an ingrowing
toenail and therefore ran the race in orthopedic flip-flops.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I fell, exhausted, over the line, my chest
on fire and some blood vessel or other trying to break free from my forehead, my
neighbour in the race patted me on the back and said, ‘God, you really can’t
run, can you?’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said it light-heartedly,
and with a smile, and I might have been all right, I might have been able to
see the funny side of things and mentally park the fitness issue, were it not
for what happened next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For, at that
moment, I looked up to see my six year-old daughter in floods of tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hobbled over to her as quickly as I could,
crouched down and asked her what the matter was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To her credit, she initially refused to tell
me, and it took significant coaxing for her to reveal that her classmate,
Joseph, who was not an unkind boy, had declared me to be the ‘worst runner
ever’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked at Joseph, who sat next
to her, head bowed, biting his lower lip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Next to him sat Bea, another very lovely child, who immediately sprang
to his defence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘It wasn’t just
Joe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mr Lewis laughed first,’ she said
helpfully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her fellow pupils nodded in
solemn agreement and gestured towards their teacher, Mr Lewis, who was sitting just a few feet
away, feigning deafness and a fascination with his shoes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So, I have class
1L and a school sports day to thank for the fact that I am fitter in my forties
than I was in my thirties. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t, of
course, pretend that I went from couch potato to Paula Radcliffe overnight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I refused very kind invitations to join in
spin, aerobics and kick-boxing classes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I said thanks, but no thanks, to the lovely group of mums who jog
round the Bristol Downs every Friday morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For someone who was genuinely unable to make it round the block, the
idea of attempting to circuit one of the largest inner city green spaces in
Europe, seemed a particularly terrifying prospect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then a physio friend came to the rescue
and suggested Pilates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She explained
that Pilates involved small, intensive, core-strengthening movements, which
would help me to tone-up but would not leave me puffing and panting and
bringing up the rear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pilates, combined
with a little home exercise and walking more and driving less would, she said,
be an excellent start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have been
attending Pilates classes for several years now. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, in that time, I have learned that, in
addition to being a pitiful runner, I was fast-tracking towards becoming a hunchback,
had the muscle-tone of a jelly fish and wasn’t even very good at breathing – forever
inhaling when I should have been exhaling and vice versa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nevertheless, I have persevered. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And with guidance from an encouraging,
no-pressure instructor, who regularly says such well-intentioned things as, ‘You
are increasingly less crooked’ and ‘You mustn’t feel under any obligation to
come back next term’, I think I’m improving.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My one huge disappointment
is that I never did get an opportunity to display my improved levels of fitness
at another school sports day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The year following
my humiliation, the entire event was rained off and the year after <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>, my youngest daughter moved to the
junior school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they don’t run a mums’ race at the junior
school sports day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Shame.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-ansi-language:EN-US;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"> </span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial;">Breakdown in communication</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #666666;"><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times"; font-size: large;">I am not a car expert.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times"; font-size: large;">I know how to make my car
go forwards, backwards and around corners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know how to switch the headlights on when it’s dark and off when it’s not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I am similarly au fait with the
windscreen wipers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beyond that, I have
zero interest in, or understanding of, my vehicle.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times"; font-size: large;">This state of affairs has
never bothered me – until now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For I
have been left feeling thoroughly ashamed, as a result of the following telephone
conversation with the nice man at the breakdown retrieval call-centre. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Mrs
Platt, I just have to check a few more details with you. What colour is the
car?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Blue.
Well, blue-ish. A kind of grey-black, murky blue. Like an angry sky.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Just
'blue' is fine. What year is the car?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me:</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">
Ooh...now... Can you work that out from the registration?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Not to
worry. Does the car have alloy wheels?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: I'm not
sure. I’ve never looked.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Where
is the car now?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: In
front of my house.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: And
where are you?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Standing
next to the car.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: So can
you look down at the wheels now and tell me if they're alloy?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: How
would I be able to tell that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Most
people just know if their wheels are alloy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Well,
mine are silver in the middle, with a black bit round the edge. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Black
bit? You mean the tyre?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Yes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: I think
I’m just going to put 'yes' for alloy. And I assume you have the key for the
wheel nuts?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: What
does that look like?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: You
know, I’m just going to put ‘yes’ re the key too. I'm sure it will be there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Where?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man:</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The mechanic will find it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me: </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Great.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Now…is
your car a four-wheel drive?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: I’ve never
asked. How could I check that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Has
anyone ever told you that your car is a 4x4? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Well,
no one's ever said that to me, but I don't really talk about cars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think it’s one you could take
off-road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the kind of car you use
mainly for shopping.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">:
Actually, I'm just going to put 'no' for that one because your kind of car
doesn't usually have four-wheel drive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Doesn't
it? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: No. And
I’m going to let you sort out everything else with the garage when they arrive
to fit the spare.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Oh, OK.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man: </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">You do have
a spare tyre there, don't you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Me</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: I
haven't actually looked for one but -<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nice Man</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">: Don’t
worry, there’s a free tow included in your cover if you don't know where the
spare wheel is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Click.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dialling tone.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Not my finest hour…</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
</span></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div class="MsoNormal"><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="color: orange; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial; font-weight: normal;"><span>In urgent need of Tweetment</span><span> </span></span></span></h2></div></blockquote><div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">“You’re tweeting.”</span></span><span style="color: #444444;"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I’m not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm actually sending a really important text.”</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I know you’re tweeting
and it’s rude whilst Gran is here.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The above exchange, or
a variation thereof, will be familiar to parents up and down the country who
happen to have a teenager in the house.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">However, in this particular instance, it was the teenager who was
requesting her mother, yours truly, to stop tweeting.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">In my immediate defence,
my Twitter addiction is comparatively mild.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am not, for example, one of the 6% of the population who, in a recent survey,
admitted to checking social media sites whilst engaging in sexual activity with
their partner.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am guilty, however, of
dropping in on Twitter instead of preventing the potatoes from boiling over, or
as an alternative to fully focusing on a telephonic update from Aunty Val,
regarding her battle with the council over her drains.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">My relationship with
Twitter began just over a year ago and was one into which I was initially pushed
against preference.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Having decided to
self-publish a novel, I was advised by my commercially-minded friend, John,
that if I wanted to sell a copy to anyone beyond my immediate family, I had to
open, at the very least, a Twitter and a Facebook account.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I immediately balked at the idea.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Everything I knew about Facebook I had gleaned
from a terrifying parental guide, which cautioned against expressing even the
mildest opinion online, lest this result in abuse or imprisonment.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">However, assured by several mothers at the
school gate that Facebook need not necessarily lead to victimisation or
incarceration, I signed up.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Now, I fully
appreciate that many people adore Facebook.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">They find it invaluable in terms of keeping up with friends, family, work
colleagues and business associates.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">However, for whatever reason, </span><i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">my</i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Facebook newsfeed seemed to consist primarily of lengthy postings detailing troublesome menstrual
cycles, and the colour and viscosity of the liquid being produced by the office
tea machine.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And I’m afraid that the odd
picture of somebody’s pet rabbit wearing a bobble hat, was simply not enough to
counterbalance all the hormonal gloom and mundane workplace detail.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thus it was that after just a few weeks, I
realised I would rather eat my phone and take a hammer to the laptop, than continue
to feign a deep interest in all the PMT and hot beverage chat.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Of Twitter, I knew
nothing - except that I now had no option but to give it a whirl, or face the
wrath of John.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As neither of my
offspring had yet shown any interest in tweeting, I had undertaken no parental research,
and so my only guide was Ian: friend, local lawyer and my first Twitter
follower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a good while, the only
responses I received to my tweets were from him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was very supportive, as well as firm,
stepping in and advising the deletion of any and all tweets which made me
appear ‘overly desperate’, or which left me ‘vulnerable to litigation’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, apparently, rather a lot of them did both.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">But even in those early
table-for-one days, Twitter held an immediate fascination for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It differed from Facebook in two fundamental,
and enticing, respects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Firstly, there
were no tricky, ever-mutating privacy options, because, with the exception of
the rarely used Direct Message, there is no privacy on Twitter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a truly public forum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You tweet it - anyone can read it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This makes Twitter both extremely inclusive
and, more importantly, a nosey parker’s dream. So, during those long weeks of fearing
that my tweets were forever destined to disappear, unnoticed, into the ether, I
had the significant consolation of being able to press my ear up against the virtual
Twitter wall and eavesdrop on the conversations of butchers, bakers, crafters, campaigners,
dancers, doctors, coffee obsessives, chicken fanatics and a lovely lady with a
goat in her kitchen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The variety of people
and topics under discussion was endless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And, alongside this goldmine of free-for-all chatter, sat what I deemed
to be Twitter’s primary appeal: its 140 character policy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Brevity is mandatory on Twitter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rambling is just not on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus, whatever you have to say, to bore
anyone with it is a significant challenge. </span>Needless to say, the
concept of using Twitter as a marketing tool quickly became secondary for me; I
was at an online house party and there were a million other guests to get to
know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From the outset, it was clear that
Twitter was definitely and deliciously my kind of thing.</span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Since first logging-on
just over a year ago, friendships formed online have progressed from tweets, to
texts, to coffee shops. I’ve scoffed breakfast with a student, laughed over
lunch with a photographer and enjoyed tea and cake with two experts in Bristol
café culture; all introductions courtesy of Twitter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition, over time I have discovered,
rather reassuringly, that I am far from being the only mother whose family
harbours concerns regarding their online activity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
point was recently re-emphasised to me when a Twitter friend came to visit for
the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is an extremely bright,
highly responsible business woman and yet, on arrival, she had to field several
texts, and one anxious phone call, from her twenty-something son, requesting urgent
confirmation that I was indeed a Bristol author and not a Broadmoor escapee.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Thankfully, I am able
to counter my own family’s occasionally dim view of my Twitter habit, with the fact that
the site, as well as providing me with much laughter and entertainment, has
also proved invaluable in terms of bringing my book to a wider audience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through Twitter, I have met hundreds of kind,
enthusiastic people, who were not only prepared to buy a book by an independent
author, but who then offered the support and advice which led me to my agent
and, subsequently, to publishers internationally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And that kind of
commercial benefit is, of course, a wonderful cloak beneath which to conceal an
entirely personal, non-commercial affection.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
<!--EndFragment--></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><u><br /></u></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><u><br /></u></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">
Cold Comfort</span></h2>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">According to my online dictionary, a holiday is “<i>an extended period of leisure and recreation</i>”. Synonyms include: ‘<i>break</i>’ and ‘<i>rest</i>’.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So, why then, you may wonder, when my sister proposed a joint family holiday, did I experience a level of stomach-churning anxiety, not felt since going painfully, and prolongedly, off-key during an Eisteddfod solo singing performance in 1981?<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Well, it was because the holiday in question was a skiing one. Now, let me say immediately that I recognise what a privilege it is to have the opportunity to go skiing. As a child, it was something I longed to do but, in those days, our annual holidays took us no further than the, albeit very beautiful, Lake District, just a couple of hours’ drive from our Liverpool home. However, by the time my husband first suggested we give skiing a whirl, three years ago, I was no longer an adventurous teen, but instead a woman in her forties, who had just managed to break her arm, slipping on ice, during a 100m walk to her car. However, not wishing to pour cold water on a plan which left our children delirious with excitement, I agreed to the trip, taking some small and, as it turned out, misplaced comfort from the fact that we would be sharing a chalet with friends who were also novice skiers. I say ‘misplaced’ because, although our chalet companions were not proficient skiers, they were not absolutely, hopelessly, irredeemably awful. And I was. <u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Rather than give you a tortuous, moment-by-moment account of the misery, humiliation, terror and physical pain I endured during that one-week skiing ‘holiday’, I shall simply tell you that I developed a ring of blisters around each shin, my toenails went black and fell out, and I went down so many green runs on my backside that I shredded, and I mean <i>shredded</i>,<i> </i>my salopettes. Oh and following the one and only blue run I was encouraged to attempt, I got a severe telling-off for grabbing at the legs of two small children, in an instinctive, self-preservatory attempt to slow my rapid, head-first descent down the slope.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">On return to the UK, assisted by a sense of euphoria at still being alive, and a desire not to spoil anyone’s happy memories, I put on an extremely brave face amongst family and friends. In particular, I assured my children, and my husband, that I had actually very much enjoyed the holiday, despite all the falling over. And I explained that my watery eyes and bodily tremors on the slopes had been due to the low temperatures and nothing at all to do with fear, pain or exhaustion. What I did not confess was that I had ceremonially cut up and binned what was left of the salopettes, and had changed my ringtone from that used to wake me for my 9am ski lessons, because I found myself suffering traumatic flashbacks whenever anyone called me.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">As it turned out, my well-intentioned lack of openness was a huge mistake because, just a year later, to cheers from the children, my husband announced that he had managed to source a bargain, last-minute ski break for us all to Luchon, in the Pyrenees. <u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Unlikely as it might seem, the second trip was even worse than the first, primarily because my brave face crumbled within twenty-four hours and my family realised, because I told them, exactly how much I hated skiing. I told them that I was sick of the snow, the slopes, the button lifts and the bruises and that, although I laughed along about my inability to turn left, what I actually wanted to do was cry. A lot. All the time. I also told them that I wanted a taxi to Toulouse airport.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My husband calmed matters by bringing me a glass of wine and explaining things quietly to the children, using such carefully chosen phrases as: ‘a little bit tired’, ‘not quite herself’ and ‘really very bad at skiing’. He used a similar tone and turn of phrase to my instructor, Yves, the next morning, following which the latter took to shouting ‘<i>Formidable</i>!’ at me, whenever I was upright long enough for him to enunciate the word. He also awarded me a ‘<i>Pipi</i>’ badge for bravery; an honour usually reserved exclusively for members of the Kindergarten ski school. And so, one way or another, I just about made it through the rest of our stay, without suffering a full mental or emotional collapse.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So, with this history in mind, it is not hugely surprising that when my sister innocently suggested yet another ski trip, I broke into a cold sweat and the rest of my family, despite my protestations, quietly, and selflessly, shook their heads.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">However, I am delighted to say that the story does actually have a happy ending. A plan has been hatched and it is simply that, for me, this holiday will in fact be a <i>non</i>-ski trip. Instead, I shall be working. I do realise that the idea of sitting at a laptop, whilst everyone else is having fun in the great outdoors, might seem a little sad. Nevertheless, it is, on this occasion, a prospect of enormous appeal to me. For rather than dreading spending six days careering down a variety of steep inclines on my bum, I am now looking forward to being safely ensconced in a café, drinking gallons of hot chocolate and devouring my own bodyweight in mille-feuilles - oh and working, of course. I shall then, each evening, welcome the athletes home and enjoy hearing all about their adventures over dinner. All the fun of the <i>après</i>, without the terror of the <i>ski</i>.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And as for the nature of my work? Well, I’m trying not to dwell <i>too</i> much on that just yet, as I shall be attempting to crack on with writing my second novel, for which a publisher’s deadline now looms terrifyingly large.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;">
<div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But that’s another cold-sweat story entirely. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">Christmas is coming</span></h2>
<div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I know this because yesterday, outside the junior school gate, the Chair of the PTA, Frankie McGirr, approached me, lulled me into a false sense of security with a broad grin, and asked me if I would run the tombola stall at the school Christmas bazaar. I can only assume that my head nervously convulsed in a nod-like fashion, because Frankie then said, ‘Thank you, Jo. You’re a treasure’ and, quite literally, ran off, before I even had time to take a breath, let alone realise it was a trap.</span></div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeJyK1OIqsoGb8oAAmN8oNcSWBuKGcMJpfT4RquZ9c7vlpflTTBLoxRw6uhGoU1JObETcSzV4JLLSGIX4jvpr9oNfBlZhPC-A3rYt0sL7nf7tWgXivogBxpy3HaKLl4WiJicnHC_6NPSoh/s1600/unnamed+(2).jpg" width="320" /></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">She said ‘treasure’ but, of course, what she actually meant was ‘kindly fool who dislikes confrontation.’ I have run the tombola stall for the past three years, and I therefore speak with some authority when I say that there is absolutely no enjoyable element to the task. First of all, you have to make yourself very unpopular, school-wide, by sending out multiple emails, begging people to donate items and instructing them to leave said items with Mrs Tepper, the school secretary. Unsurprisingly, Mrs Tepper isn’t a huge fan of this arrangement, as her office is very small and it requires only half a day of donations for her to be barricaded in, behind a wall of bath salts, jigsaw puzzles and disturbingly ugly glassware. The only way to keep Mrs Tepper at all onside, therefore, is to transport all tombola donations, on a daily basis, from her office to the PTA room. This involves multiple treks across an inevitably rainy, windswept playground, followed by a climb up a fire escape and two further flights of stairs. And the horror does not stop there. Once in the PTA room, the booty must be sifted and sorted. Every year, I emphasise the ‘</span><i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">unopened, unused, unworn</i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">’ requirement with regard to donations and yet, every year, I get a fair quantity of what can best be described as ‘</span><i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">old rubbish</i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">’. My most memorable items of </span><i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">‘old rubbish’</i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> last year were a definitely-squeezed tube of organic toothpaste for dogs, a packet of use-by 2009 Super Noodles and a broken lamp in the shape of a giant conch shell. The latter was fashioned from a material slightly heavier than lead and its pointless transportation up the fire escape resulted in a pulled muscle which left me popping ibuprofen well into 2013.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwACrMvBQB7lRKJnTzKrkMDnvDFTaQQ3Y5hJx18msf143B05rTmavtVKT1G-pTi04rqJotz-0JSitaFBw3Z5Ma5_KwucvFqP_PnYAUIfvIgKxXXIlUz3r586kRTsbOkZFa-oehKqa-Pz-5/s1600/unnamed+(3).jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwACrMvBQB7lRKJnTzKrkMDnvDFTaQQ3Y5hJx18msf143B05rTmavtVKT1G-pTi04rqJotz-0JSitaFBw3Z5Ma5_KwucvFqP_PnYAUIfvIgKxXXIlUz3r586kRTsbOkZFa-oehKqa-Pz-5/s1600/unnamed+(3).jpg" width="150" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">However, as I sit here, contemplating the prospect of Sellotaping cloakroom tickets onto approximately two hundred items, over a fourteen-day period, I have actually managed to find several thoughts with which to console myself. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Firstly, I am well aware that I am far from being the only adult in the country currently grinding their teeth over a school-based Christmas event. My friend, Suzanne, sits on her school’s Christmas Fayre committee and has been tasked with carrying out risk assessments of the home-baked goods stall and the temporary café - with nuts, apparently, being the primary focus of concern. Suzanne’s putting on a brave public face but I know she’s stressed because, according to her husband, she’s suffering a recurring dream, in which faceless strangers pelt her with cashew nuts. <u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Meanwhile, my neighbour, a primary school teacher, is this week spending many of his working hours managing the expectations and anxieties of pupils and parents alike, as he prepares for his class Christmas production of ‘The Little Fir Tree’. He has already, he tells me, been approached by a father, requesting that his five-year-old be given a bigger part ‘to boost his confidence’. And a second parent has made a rather impressive fir tree costume, for her daughter to wear in the production, despite the fact that her child has been allocated the role of <i>Hospital Patient #3</i>.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Whilst very grateful to be involved in neither school plays nor potentially litigious risk assessments, I might still be feeling rather hard done by over my tombola lot, were it not for my main, and by far my most uplifting, point of consolation; namely the fact that my youngest daughter is currently in Year 6. This, as parents of primary school children will immediately recognise, means that this year’s tombola will be my last. My last year of cowering behind a table in the main school hall, whilst a frenzied crowd of children grab excitedly at novelty eggcups and vintage personal hygiene products. My last year of attempting to convince a sobbing six-year old to go and find his mum, or swap the bottle of whisky he’s just won for something else, whilst simultaneously trying to explain the concept of ‘not winning every time’ to another, equally-hysterical, child. And finally, and most appealingly, my last year of enduring castigating looks from long-suffering parents, as they hand over pound after pound for three goes, only for their child to win nothing. Or, worse still, to win something.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span>I have, in the past, always been absolutely adamant about the fact that, once my children had completed their primary education, and I had transported, ticketed and handed over my last tombola item, I would never, EVER, attend another school Christmas bazaar. However, as that day looms, and I realise that an end is in sight, I am seriously reconsidering my stance. I think I may well attend next year’s event, to browse the craft stalls, partake of the mulled wine and purchase some, hopefully nut-free, cakes. And, of course, I have no doubt that I shall linger longest, and smile most broadly, at the quirky prizes and excited hubbub of the little tombola stall. </span><span><u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Nothing to do with nostalgia, you understand. I just want to gloat.</span><br />
</span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">The Short Book Group</span></h2>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">As I type, I am ten hours away from the September meeting of The Short Book Group, of which I am a member. We are a sizeable group – sixteen in total – and we meet monthly to apologise for not reading the (short) book, which we had all agreed we would read at the last meeting. The evening typically consists of a brief introductory five minutes, during which we all explain why we haven’t managed to finish, or even start, the book this time. We then move onto a more general discussion, usually encompassing kids, clothes, sponge cake, beefcake and other such topics likely to make poor Mary Wollstonecraft turn in her grave.</span></span></h3>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Interested to discover whether this format was typical of other book groups, I decided to ask a few friends what went on at their respective meetings. It turned out that, in most groups, there was usually at least one earnest intellectual who always read the book and showed extreme disappointment in anyone who hadn’t. And this, it seemed, helped to keep the general read-rate up at around 70-80%.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">An exception to this, and at one extreme of the book group experience, is my friend Antonia’s group, in which the read-rate is consistently 100%. This is thanks to the presence of not one, but three earnest intellectuals, who apparently insist upon asking tricky questions like, “What do <i>you</i> think?” And, Antonia tells me, it’s a case of woe betide anyone who hasn’t read the book and is, consequently, unable to think anything at all.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">During our conversation, I couldn’t help noticing that Antonia seemed strangely unperturbed by the requirement to read the book in order to attend her book group. She even cheerily confided that, at their last meeting, a member had apologised regarding a failure to remember to bring her notes on ‘Human Traces’ by Sebastian Faulks, and had asked the hostess if she could pop upstairs and print them out. I was fascinated by this for a number of reasons: firstly, that the group had elected to read a book of over 700 pages; secondly that they had then all actually read the book of over 700 pages; thirdly that the poor woman had made notes upon it, and finally, and most significantly, that no one thought her in any way pitiful, or unwittingly comedic, for having done so. <u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span>My book group is, of course, currently at the other end of the spectrum. When someone announces that they have read the book, other members tend to respond with comments such as: “Gosh!” and “Have you really? Oh, you’re so good.” I say ‘currently’ however, because I suspect things may well be about to change. </span><span><u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I have, just this morning, received an email from Linda advising that she has purchased a little book group gong for members to bang when they wish to make a comment about the book. She goes on to say that she had actually read the book for the August meeting, had wanted to say something about it, but hadn’t been able to make herself heard. To add insult to injury, at that particular meeting, no one had even bothered to ask whether anyone had read the book. Linda’s email prompted Ginette to send a ‘Reply All’ to the effect that, at our June meeting, she had been a bit disappointed to find herself the only person to have read ‘Sand in My Shoes’ by Joan Rice. Ginette wrote that, whilst she knew that we had all been very interested on that occasion to hear what she had had to say, she would have preferred to have joined in a discussion about the book, rather than deliver a lecture on it. <u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Yes, I sense that this morning’s emails hint at a collective will to up our read-rate. Linda has raised the issue very nicely with her gong and Ginette now looks all set to assume the mantle of earnest intellectual. So, with that in mind, I suppose I really should now turn my attention to tonight’s book: ‘Ethan Frome’ by Edith Wharton. It’s very short and book group doesn’t start until 8.30pm.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I’m almost certain I shall be able to find an online summary by then.</span><br />
</span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">“You should try writing something longer, Jo. </span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: arial; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">A novel. I’d buy it.”</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></h2>
<div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The comment was made by my friend, Laura, as we sat in her kitchen discussing a book which she had recently read. I laughed off the idea but, in bed that night, after an afternoon spent being a less-than-efficient medical secretary to my husband, and an evening spent ferrying short people to tap lessons and tennis, I recalled her suggestion and gave it some thought. I loved writing but had confined myself to a few articles for a local newspaper, the odd piece for the entertainment of family and friends, and one 75-word saga, for which I had won a bottle of fizz - a literary award of which I was very proud. But perhaps Laura had a point; perhaps a novel was a possibility. On impulse, I opened my laptop and started to write ‘something longer’. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Over the months which followed, I spent every spare moment writing; packing the book with details and characters based upon personal experience and close friends. I switched off the phone, my family gave up expecting to be fed; it all felt exceptionally self-indulgent. </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Finally, after approximately twelve months of endless revisions and familial weight-loss, ‘Reading Upside Down’, a </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">comic novel recounting the trials and tribulations of 30 year-old Rosalind Shaw, was complete. </span></span><span style="color: #444444;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUwQfLn-V2JMbOWUyTl6mre4GNIJuCpxPdrgZ2rRCS7MjX763rrWX0yTGIbFQe9vj1FAs0m8YQLW3FOPX2WVFX7hONFvjuFQ8J4MhsYEi-HtGgJYjmWKzLF12-62EAKE4S0_d7ltNMC4GR/s1600/218125E4-F933-42DA-9E02-78E6DC1614E0.JPG" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></a></span>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">However, once the happy process of writing the novel was over, I was confronted by the dilemma of what to do next. I’d be lying if I said that the dream of sipping coffee with an agent, while he or she laughed uproariously over the comic genius of Chapter 7, had never crossed my mind. But my eyes were wide open to the difficulties of getting any book published, especially a debut novel. And, on a more personal level, I was extremely nervous about the prospect of making ‘Reading Upside Down’ public. A select few friends had read it, and had declared it to be ‘very funny’ and ‘a page-turner’; however, someone very wise once told me that you should always discount personal praise from anyone you would invite for Christmas dinner, so I felt clueless as to whether the book might have broad appeal.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">Nevertheless, after much hand-wringing on my part, and eye-rolling on the part of my long-suffering husband, I decided that I would like to see if I could take ‘Reading Upside Down’ further. And, once I had made that decision, I was impatient to get on with it before I changed my mind. It was then that I looked into the option of self-publishing and judged that there didn’t really seem to be much of a downside to it. Of course, I would have no marketing machine behind me, but it was free to publish with Amazon and at least my work would be ‘out there’, rather than languishing in a Sponge Bob folder at the back of my undies drawer. My friend, Jon Ogborne, of Eat Cake Design in Bristol, stepped up and said he would create a cover for me, and then, when I told him that my target sales were ‘40 or so’, he shouted at me a little bit about ‘showing some bottle’ and ‘getting with the online revolution’, by joining Twitter and Facebook. I have a lot to thank him for.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span>Finally, in February of this year, with cover and courage in place, and my husband sitting next to me, tutting at my lingering nervous indecision, I pressed the button and published ‘Reading Upside Down’ as an ebook on Amazon. I then held my breath, anxious to see if anyone I didn’t actually know would give my novel a whirl. And, of course, I had to act on Jon’s advice and try to publicise it. For me, marketing the novel was a challenge which far exceeded writing it. At the outset, I wasn’t sure who to call, which icons to click on Facebook and I had just three ‘followers’ on Twitter: my sister-in-law, a school friend and a bearded bloke in a pink bikini. But, you know, everyone was very supportive. Local magazine editors and newspaper journalists kindly returned my calls and bikini bloke bought the book without a second thought. Gradually, word spread and some very positive, extremely welcome, online reviews started to appear. </span><span><u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">And then, in May, Steve Yabsley, of BBC Radio Bristol, called to invite me onto his lunchtime show for a chat, having been alerted to ‘Reading Upside Down’ by a local magazine editor. I was as nervous as I was grateful but, thankfully, my pelvic floor held out and, at the end of the interview, Steve suggested that I submit my book to a literary agent. I took his advice and wrote to Camilla Wray, of literary, television and film agency Darley Anderson. To my delight, Camilla replied saying she loved ‘Reading Upside Down’ and was eager to start the process of bringing the novel to the attention of a wider audience, and also to support me as I wrote my second novel. <u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large;">And the rest, as they almost say, is shortly to be history. To say I’m excited about working with Darley Anderson, and about what the future holds for ‘Reading Upside Down’, would be an understatement. My first crack at a novel has so far proved to be a joyously creative, emotional and nerve-wracking journey and, it seems, the journey is far from over. Watch this space.</span></span></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span></span>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Jo Platthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10524045126083825561noreply@blogger.com1